So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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