i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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