the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
