somebody snuck up and got me drunk
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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