you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
