Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
