Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
