Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
