There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My liver just had a heart attack.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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