I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
