looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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