I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
