pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize