Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
