turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
