Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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