The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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