all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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