Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
