Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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