please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
