Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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