Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
