This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
