Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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