Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize