the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
