she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
