new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
