I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
