It's Friday. Sex?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
