he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
