She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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