Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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