Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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