just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
my poor anus
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
