Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
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