well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
