i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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