Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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