this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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