Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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