accomplished twins. life is a go
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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