Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Boobs speak an international language.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
