it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize