Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
