Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
