so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
