Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
