You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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