We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize