Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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