It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
