We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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