Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
