I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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