as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
