I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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