what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
