My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
