we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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