I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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