her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
