My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
