Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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