I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
