he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
