I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
