Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
