Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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