jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
