I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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