come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
