dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
