I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
we're so committed to being not committed
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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