I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just cropdusted the office
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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