omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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