So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
