I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
