God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
