he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
be right there i have to get my cape
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
