I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
