if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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