I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
