i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
