Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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