she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
me + whiskey = a bad person
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Sorry about my life...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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