it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
