census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
