is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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