so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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