Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
