Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
