i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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