He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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