There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
