he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
